I'm going to try a new series of posts because lately I've realized how amazing it is for me to write and share my thoughts. My hope is ultimately to create a transparency around how there is such a wide spectrum of how you can feel in your parenting. If you've ever felt alone, crappy or just over it: I hope you read this & know you aren't! Also sharing some sparkle moments too because while rare they do exist!
Lately I've.....
...................cried and screamed more than I ever have at my kids because I can't seem to get a grip on my own emotions & I'm hyper fixated on trying to "better" their behaviour.
.................. noticed that when my daughter is happy she has a literal twinkle/crinkle in her eyes and it's just about the best thing I've ever experienced seeing her in that euphoria.
................. really struggled to figure out what kind of boundaries to set with my toddlers, how to balance structure and routine with flexibility, how to discipline without feeling guilt.
................. felt so much confusion about how I will handle our new family transition ( 2 - 3 kids) when I am barely surviving some days with the two I have.
................. worried about how my husband & I have lost a lot of us because we're in this really trying time in parenting.
................. felt this incredible sadness for the moms and parents of the world who have no resources and no support and still have to parent. and then this insane guilt for my struggles because I have a lot to be grateful for.
................. realized that we're actually having another baby (our last baby!) and it will be so bittersweet with many closing chapters.
..................been insanely curious what this new baby will do to the existing sibling dynamic my toddlers have (ie. they fight about 90% of the time).
..................genuinely wondered how much I'll miss these days because parenting has been almost everything I imagined and absolutely nothing like it (if that even makes sense).
................. been going in to watch my children sleep at night because it gives me a sense of beautiful, calm gratitude for my life with them in it.