I started my first child in music class when she was about 4 months old. Initially, I signed up for me as a new mom to get out of the house & meet new mom friends, perhaps learn music I could sing at home. Slowly over time I realized there was real value in the class. My daughter found comfort when I played our "rainbow" songs in the car & I could visibly see the wonder and joy that came from interacting with other kids and music. But this is not a post about the joys of music class or planned activities - quite the opposite actually.
Fast forward to this morning when I was trying desperately to snag a spot for toddler gymnastics for this Fall. I barely had time to choose a section or time before I frantically purchased a not inexpensive session that is happening literally months from now. I sat at my laptop discouraged. "Is C in enough activities?" I whined to my husband "She isn't doing enough. Everyone's got their kids in ballet, art, swim, soccer, karate, skiing, skating! I see it all over my social media, I hear about all the activities other parents are doing. Is just her daycare enough?" My husbands response was shift and savage.
"She's fine. Parents who over-schedule their kids are running themselves mad. Kids need to play outside, use imagination and be loved. Haven't you read all the articles about this?"
(um NO, I clearly had not).
And then it hit me. This is a mother fucking rat race. And it's just the beginning. My kids are still well under 5 years old and I'm already feeling the stress of what activity or skill they need to cultivate. I can only imagine the stress that awaits me. Will my be children be tiny dancers, math wizards, chess players? Alpine skiing pro's? What a fucking nightmare this endless wonder is!
Is it possible to find a healthy balance? What does that look like? Is it one activity per week? Per season? Is it better to spend summers in camps or with family and friends at the lake? What about all those families who can't afford anything? How awful. Why bother complaining when I'm simply lucky enough to get activities on the table in the first place.
I called my mom crying in a panic. I am 3 years into parenting and I am already failing. She assured me I am not (thanks Mom). But I realized very quickly I care a lot about what people see me doing or feel like I need to do to "keep up" with what other parents are doing. Why is that? If placing my kids in lots of activities is stressful for me then it's going to eventually stress out my kids. This must be a classic case of "do what works for your family." Which I am quickly learning is the only parenting lesson worth listening too. It does not matter what you see or hear other parents doing. They are doing their best & SO are you.
So, if you like me are easily discouraged by the parenting activity rat race....I think we're going to be okay. I have to believe we are ALL doing the most excellent efforts for our little ones. If that means 3 activities = great! If that mean no activities = also great. I believe both choices can co-exist in the land of "good job". There is no situation that's ever going to be "perfect." Perhaps one day I'll see difference in parenting not as a threat that feeds my own insecurities but as variety that provides a range of uniquely raised children. The only thing I know for certain? The choices we make right now are enough.