I have to start this post off by sharing that I am fully guilty of this practise. The labeling and idolization of a certain perception of perfection or acceptable growth to a woman's body. Before my own pregnancies I've certainly commented by saying things like:
"that mama-to-be looks so cute"
"what an adorable bump"
"she doesn't even look pregnant!"
These statements are all well intentioned & I love to see and hear about women supporting and cheering on other women (especially mothers). I don't want to disregard that the sentiment behind these is complimentary & positive.
This leads to my larger thought around this topic - spurred when I received a very lovely compliment about how my bump is "pregnancy goals" earlier this week. Of course I enjoy hearing this. I can't deny that. I also think we can and should always compliment women in pregnancy - because chances are the person on the other side of that compliment is feeling disjointed and uncomfortable physically (at some point) with how their body has changed. What struck me as worth marinating on here is what exactly does this compliment mean? What is the goal? It's not too big? Not too small? I immediately think of Goldilocks in her search for the perfect porridge (it is JUST RIGHT!)
The concept of "goals' isn't unique to this conversation. People (myself included) have shared this statement regarding many facets of life:
"you are relationship goals"
"you are mom goals"
"you are fitness goals"
But honestly, what does that mean? It's sort of a weird statement because presumably we all have different goals and aspirations and values and benchmarks and capabilities. My goals might be very different than someone else's (as they should). But clearly when it comes to a women who is pregnant - it is very defined. There are clear parameters about what is considered "perfection". I can take a stab at a few expectations:
- no stretch marks
- no indications or growth elsewhere on the body ( it's pretty common for other parts to swell or change)
- no skin changes (acne or otherwise)
- a bump that's perfectly round (think a basketball) and you guessed it : not HUGE but not really tiny either.
The most ridiculous part of this entire assessment is that nothing is within the control of the woman. You can't choose how you literally create life.
I happen to be genetically predisposed to reflect what society has deemed as desirables traits and acceptable parameters for how women should look when they grow a baby.
Again, I can't ignore that I appreciate the compliment. To not admit that would be devious of me. I guess I'm a little vain. BUT, my point here isn't actually about me or how I look. Maybe (hopefully!) in 20 or 30 years this "standard" will have lost its attachment to perfectionism. Instead what would honestly be wonderful is celebrating all bodies in all forms of pregnancy. (Like the celebration and acceptance of all women's bodies - pregnant or no).
I don't want this post to come off as discouraging of complimenting pregnancy BUT would't it be awesome if all of us could be pregnancy goals in our own way? Every mother to be deserves to hear that.